Coming to you live from Alex

Coming to you live from Alex's Kitchen

The search for MSG in Alex's kitchen is well under way...

Good morning everybody, I am Mrs. Paramon.

Our cameras are bringing to you live the so-called Chicken Butcher of New York. We are not sure if it's Alex himself or his body double: his hair does seem a little dismantled - but that could be attributed to the fact that he has not had time to get new hair jell after his old one was destroyed in last night's attack on his kitchen cabinets.

BREAKING NEWS ITEM! Alex just put some onions in his soup! Wait! He is cutting a big potato into small cubes.

We have in the studio a retired Chef and a soup specialist, Mr. Beef Franks. He is going to provide his view of what's being unfolded before our eyes.

Good Morning, Mr. Franks.

Good Morning, Mrs. Paramon. Nice lip gloss.

Thank you Beef.

First of all, Alex has appeared on television with his hair dismantled before. In fact, in late 1980s or early 1990s that sort of look was quite fashionable. It could be that with the absense of hair jell, he decided to make the most of the situation and appeal to the audience reminiscent of that era.

OK, Mr. Franks, that discussion aside, what do you think Alex might be up to in that kitchen of his?

Yes, based on his fact that he just sliced some onions and a giant potato, he might be on his way to making a chicken soup. However, 'might' is the operative word here. Many other soups do start this way. So in fact, Alex might be making a beef soup or a vegetable soup. You know, I wouldn't even rule out a possibility of Alex making a French Onion soup with potatoes. At the same time, we should not forget that Alex's chicken soup is the mother of all chicken soups...

I am sorry Mr. Franks, we have to interrupt you for a moment. We are getting some more BREAKING NEWS from Alex's Kitchen. Reporting to you live is our correspondent Al Jazz. What can you tell us Al?

Yes, Mrs. Paramon. Earlier Alex indeed put onions and potatoes into his soup. And now he is opening his freezer and retrieving a piece of chicken. But wait! He is also getting some frozen vegetables. And a lamb chop. You know, Mrs. Paramon. It appears to be unclear what Alex's intentions are. He might just put frozen vegetables into the soup and leave chicken and the lamb chop for entrees. But then again, Alex after all is the mother of all surprises and deceptions. Back to you Mrs. Paramon.

OK, we are back in the studio talking to the retired Chef and a soup specialist Beef Franks. OK, Mr. Franks, based on what you just heard what do you think is the possibility of Alex making a chicken soup with MSG.

You know, Mrs. Paramon, it could go either way. Of course, MSG inspectors have said, that adding MSG would be bad PR for Alex. But since when did he care about PR? I think that when it comes to making the mother of all chicken soup, Alex will do whatever it takes to uphold his reputation of The Chicken Butcher of New York.

OK, we are getting MORE BREAKING NEWS. It appears that the water is boiling and there's is indeed some chicken in the soup. Wait a second, what the hell is it in the soup? Could you please give us a close up? Oh my G-d! It appears to be Alex's hair! Do you think anyone will eat this, after what we've just seen? Now he surely will use MSG. What do you think Mr. Franks?

While I don't want to sound overly pessimistic, I don't want to sound overly optimistic either. Remember, the operation Burn and Boil has just started, and we will be in Alex's kitchen in a few days. How does this relate to your question? I don't know, but I just looove to say Burn and Boil. I think it sounds really groovy, it's the mother of all metaphors. But to answer your question, Mrs. Paramon, we just need to wait and see what develops.

BREAKING NEWS AGAIN! It looks like we are moving beyond the operation Burn and Boil and entering the next phase of the operation Liberate Chicken Farm.

OK, we are going to pause for a commercial break, for the first time in two days, but we'll leave you with some pictures of dancing chickens. As always, count on us for fair and balanced reporting.

Comment from Mr. Paramon: I am very pleased with the unbiased coverage of the current "Liberate French cocks in the arse" operation. Too bad mrs_paramon did not report on the "Storm in a dessert plate" operation 12 years ago.